Whether it takes a walk on a lonely shore, an open bar lock-in, blood sucking marine aliens, or a passionate kiss, we all need to get out of our heads sometimes.

Watched a movie last night with my husband–so many for me to choose from, though he’s pretty much seen or heard of them all. So he carefully scrolls through and I say, nothing gratuitously violent or shocking for mere entertainment value, please. A philosophical content movie would be good, not too much “action” as in exploding cars flipping over and martial arts combat, even if the woman wins to show the equality of the sexes. I want some relaxation after a long week, and to be away from people for a while in the back room. Some comedy, but nothing dumb; sci fi maybe, and a bit of convincing romance would be nice. Something to get me out of my head without feeling slimed afterwards.

He chose “Grabbers,” which is certainly inoffensive, but we agree that it’s a bit standard in plot, as it’s the usual beginning of an alien takeover from which the two local coast guards/peace officers have to save the world. But set in beautiful coastal Northern Ireland, green hills and pebble beaches, empty shores–the place to go to nurse a terrible grief, and if necessary combat alien takeovers. To heal, and then to live, with a variety of eccentric, no-shit neighbors who look out for one another. Seems that’s why the male guard is there. He is a drunk, handsome, sad, crusty on the outside but with a sensitive heart. She’s a cheerful, somewhat brittle workaholic, apparently immune to the drunken attentions she begins to receive from her colleague and every other eligible male in the village. She’s there to replace someone going on a few weeks’ holiday, and her first disciplinary action is to place her partner in detention for passing out on her doorstep. Still, there’s a tenderness there for him even so.

They discover that the blood-sucking octopus-like creature a local fisherman finds in his lobster pot recoils when it—she (no testicles, says the marine ecologist, and also she laid an egg)—tries to suck blood with a high alcohol content, which is why the fisherman survived its attack on him. They make the logical leap that there’s a huge male lurking on the shoreline somewhere waiting for the rain so it’s wet enough to travel inland to find its mate and more blood for the nurture of their brood.

The obvious solution is a free bar lock-in in the local pub, with everyone diligently keeping their blood alcohol content high, except one person who will keep watch and coordinate the killing of the monster. First they get the female officer drunk to determine the necessary blood alcohol content.My flesh creeps a bit as three men fill her with beer, whiskey, and the fisherman’s special home brew, but they are gentlemen, and merely prop her up, laugh at her slurred jokes, draw blood to feed the creature and determine the level of alcohol to which it objects. Later when she slurs her drunken affections to her partner, he looks at her tenderly, longingly, smooths the hair back from her cheek and says he is flattered, but now is not the time.

Everyone at the local church service is invited to the lock-in, and everyone accepts once the free bar is announced (apparently there aren’t any under aged locals). The grieving alcoholic officer volunteers to go cold turkey and dedicate himself to the destruction of the monster within and without, though he is vulnerable in his dry state to the attentions of the alien.The party commences and is well underway when the monster arrives in the night, with a brood newly hatched on the beach. The grand battle ensues, the monsters are driven repeatedly away from the partygoers, and confronted by the two officers in the muddy driveway. The reeling local marine ecologist who tries to take a picture is eaten, and the visiting, formerly uptight colleague who has never been drunk before remembers her essential purpose and devotion to her work, and with her partner offering himself as bait, helps lure the grabber to the local gravel mine, where it is pinned, fed vodka, and lit aflame by shooting a flare gun at the gasoline storage barrels at the bottom. The guard, flung away when the vodka is poured, claws his way up the muddy hole where he is pulled up by his partner, and as the sun rises they limp and lurch along the road back to the village. And then they kiss. And I have to say, the lead in to that kiss makes it a pretty hot one. At that’s the moment I remember best from the whole movie. So maybe one could say it’s a romance after all.



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Posted by on December 15, 2014 in Arts, Poetry and Music


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After finishing my few weeks in high school biology, I felt tense about taking the jobs in 5th-6th grade that were coming up way more often. Even though when there was a possibility of actually getting hired for the high school position. As if I was in a sense abandoning my ideals. Having told others that middle schoolers were my favorite level because of their dynamic, challenging, still mostly untamed selves. Heard myself saying they were the ones who needed experienced teachers, teachers who had parental and life experience, teachers who could handle, and nurture, different ways of seeing things and doing things. Thinking that any good content-knowledgeable and reasonably organized teacher could handle the demands of teaching older students, especially since by that time the really tough kids, the failed kids, had been diverted into Options or Special Ed or one of the various extra-supportive programs.

Yet… I have four children of my own, and I’ve noticed that when I come home after a day with middle schoolers, I’m sometimes low on the mental and emotional energy my own kids need. Not always, but on days like one last week, when the teacher called in sick at the last hour and there wasn’t much of a plan. The printout said have them work on the packet that was due that day, the one she had assigned before the weekend as optional extra credit, or just read or play math games. In ninety minute block periods. And no time to make enough copies of the packet anyway.

So I ditched that plan and grabbed a random math book that a student said they hadn’t started yet, and taught the first lesson out of it–statistics. Had them gather data, table it, tell me about it, and graph it in two different ways. And then they played the math games we could find in the cabinets. Math games very loosely defined, because when you don’t know the kids you can’t assume that building designs with shape blocks is too easy, or the UNO card game is too elementary. The homeroom kids came back for a period at the end of the day, when they were wound up from being in school all day and being out of routine. They were expecting to do what the teacher called “free choice time,” and though I don’t like to chance that sort of thing as a sub, I went with it. Some drew, some read, some did homework, but a lot decided to stay at loose ends. It was tough to keep the balance in favor of those who knew how to keep things positive and reasonably calm. Some wanted to be a bit testy, with their tossing paper, walking back and forth, then packing up fifteen minutes before school ended and messing around by the sink or gathering in small groups to laugh and jostle one another, looking over to see how I’d take it all.

I smiled as warmly as I could, subtly steering some kids toward behaviors that were reasonable given the situation and the maturity of each kid, at which I was guessing. Knowing a lot of subs would crack down, I just felt empathetic, didn’t blame them at all for preferring to shoot the breeze and do a bit of leaping. I circulated, hung in there, and sighed when the bell rang. With a mental note to self to bringing read-aloud material, educational game ideas, personal stories and something to show and tell. Especially when a sub job comes up for this teacher, who, the T.A. told me, often calls in sick on Mondays. This is the same teacher whom I observed demonstrating on the board how to do a problem on the test the class was about to take (she left it on the board).

Today I was back in that class, switched at the last minute from that of her colleague due to a lack of subs. The colleague was pulled from her training, and, yes, it was Monday again, and I heard another teacher comment about that Monday pattern with this teacher. With the plan notes (same template, with a few changes) that apologized for the “unplanned” absence and the lack of materials, advising me to adjust if necessary. But this time I was prepared, and there was some decent work to do.

It was, over all, a good day. By this time I could remember most kids’ names, the boy who “didn’t do well with subs” had apparently adjusted to me, and was pitching in with all kinds of help and participation. There was more order and flow in general. I knew which kids hadn’t accomplished enough to go to the game cupboard last period, and had the extra support from para-eds so that they could get extra help. The most trouble I had was with the attitude of the “personal assistant” (a T.A.) of a supposedly horrendous discipline case now back in class. After a day of seeming docility, the student (out of boredom?) had managed to provoke the T.A. and she was pissed, couldn’t (of course) get the girl to take out her work again. I, choosing to be oblivious, came over and asked the girl to show me her work so we could go over it, but the T.A. said she was not to do any work, but just to read, because she was being difficult. So I moved on until the T.A. was with some other students (where mutual provocation also shortly arose), and I think, wow–she’s falling right into the trap. The trap I know so well, that I fell into so often as a new teacher, where the teacher comes across as annoying (we can’t help it sometimes), so the student resists, so the teacher gets further annoyed and then disrespectful, and the student feel justified in resistance, and teacher feels powerless, and maybe yells or does something out of frustration. And the student enjoys the sense of power that comes from annoying an authority figure they’ve decided they don’t like right now. Which can be worth a trip to the office, points docked from the golden ticket system, or even a call home.

Seeing the T.A. struggle, I admit I was feeling smug. Because it was so much easier for me to avoid that confrontation, having been on the sidelines, and I felt there was a way to get on the same team with this girl. The second time I went over she started an avoidance game with me, said she never got the worksheets. But she let me find them in her binder, and pretty soon–it was all in her hands, and we both knew it–she decided to work with me. She got the math problems, by the way.



Attempted fortifications

My consolation in knowing that my child is struggling, a lot and in a way I’m not sure how to help with, is that he has us, a reasonable stable family, and we love him and try our best to help him work through his stuff. Not every kid has that, so how indeed can they make it through those days when they hate school and feel like they have no real friends, and forget to do their homework, and can’t take it any more?  The stress is not only from everyday school stuff, like being surrounded by 90% immature kids such as yourself who aren’t thinking about kindness and courtesy and reaching out, but mostly the moment, and posturing and drama and survival. And knowing you’re different, your friends are different, and wondering how to fit in, and whether you want to anyway. And being the youngest at home and subject to a good deal of self improvement advice and teasing there too, and parents who are increasingly busy with work and all.

Also there’s this: trying to process all that “helpful” anti-bullying information such as, “Mom, did you know that there was a girl who was bullied so badly, she killed herself? And, sometimes I feel that way, and if things don’t get better, I…” And pretty soon he’s identifying with someone’s suicidal thoughts, thank you very much, school counselors. Whose idea was that, that every kid should hear that story? Now every day after school it’s me and my son talking over what he’s going through–nothing tremendous from what I can tell, but he’s taking every teasing, every innuendo, every deficiency of love and affirmation, as, maybe like what that girl experienced, which was actually too awful to mention to the sixth graders, thank heaven, but so he doesn’t realize that this is more about rolling with the punches. Right?

Other days he identifies with the boy who was bullied all through school and then when he became hiring manager at some important firm, in comes the bully to interview for a job, and it’s time for consequences, buddy! Those days are better. But it’s a real battle now to walk with my son through these feelings, and try to remind him that he’s strong, that he can handle this, that, yeah, sometimes people are jerks, but we’re all capable of being mean, or at least not as nice as we could be, but that’s just life. No, we realize that the counselor is not the sort of person one would want to talk to about that, but is there a way to tell someone you think would have the wisdom to keep an eye out? If not, just concentrate on learning, and keep your eyes peeled for someone else that needs your kindness. And be patient–people mature, and things get better.

And I pray that he’ll remember how much he’s loved, and discover each day those good deeds that the Father is providing for him to do, and be a blessing out there in the world. Because Mom is committed to working now, and can’t quit to homeschool you through this. I ask the siblings to pitch in with the support of friendship, and redouble my efforts to fill his love account to overflowing. And don’t you ever talk about suicide, boy, I want to say, because it makes me mad! Mad at people who aren’t loving, mad at people who are good intentioned but thoughtless, mad with grief. And I even tell him, I even say, the meanest person of all is the one who takes himself away from the people who love him. Maybe it’s a stupid thing to say, but there it is, and by God I hope it doesn’t do any harm.



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More post secondary planning discoveries – cheap study abroad options

My oldest son wants to study Arabic, among other things (at this point his interests are pretty broad). He’s somewhat familiar with how Arabic works, having learned a little in Israel, along with becoming fluent in Modern Hebrew, a closely related language. Arabic classes are not easy to find around these parts, though we’ve found some good programs through various colleges. But at $8000 to $11,000 for an eight week intensive program (including room and board), or a college-sponsored study abroad program at college rates and lots of hoopla, it’s not an easy sell for us. So I suggested we find something more grass roots. Inspired by The New Global Student by Maya Frost and fortified with the knowledge that my son has already lived in the Middle East and we still have contacts there, I did a search and found three opportunities under $2000, plus airfare and visa fees, with flexible lengths of stay. Love Volunteers and Project Hope take volunteers in the West Bank who teach and hang out with with Palestinian children and work on various projects such as farming, and Coptic Orphans volunteers help with kids at orphanages in Egypt. Both offer the opportunity to take Arabic classes, and in my experience, there’s no better kind of early language immersion than being surrounded by kids who speak the language. Opportunities in Jordan are currently limited, I assume because all resources are being directed toward the Syrian refugee crisis.

The other neat thing about Arabic is that it’s considered a “critical language” by the U.S. State Department (duh), which will fully fund second year Arabic studies through their Critical Language Scholarship program (which our neighbor clued us into). Not sure if that leads to recruitment into intelligence gathering careers, but we can use it. Also, depending on what college my son decides on, I’m hoping there will be opportunities for him to earn college level credits from this volunteer work and language study, maybe even in multiple disciplines such as international studies, journalism, politics, and education. Last, I hope that if he decides to go for it, his commitment to do so will impress the heck out of college entrance committees that might otherwise not be impressed by certain lackluster portions of his transcript.


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Posted by on December 6, 2014 in Education and Schooling


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Get out there and teach from your core, but don’t forget to teacher-proof-proof yourself uncommonly well

Got a call this week from the district about tutoring a home bound student in geometry and English. Apparently the geometry part was getting to be too much for the previous tutor, while I have a math endorsement. So not only do I get to work with this very pleasant young person, I get to do so in a balance of subjects. I loved geometry in high school, because I had a good teacher and enjoyed the formal logic and organization. Building geometric proofs shows a person how to reason, which is broadly applicable. I’ll also really enjoy helping with writing and lit, which form the foundations of the education of a thinking, feeling, communicating adult.

Today’s first session went very well. I introduced deductive reasoning and geometric proofs with the help of the online curriculum, and then set her up to start her persuasive essay on the value of a college education. Should be able to have some pretty good dialogue on that. I’m trying to dig up an article I read on what an education itself should be, to supplement the three provided in the Common Core text. I wonder if I should lend her my copy of the Teenage Liberation Handbook, too. No, I promise I will be very professional, and consider myself accountable to the student’s parents first as the taxpayers and guardians, and the district as the contract issuer. No pushing any anti-institutional anti-corporate takeover of education thinking.  Only providing resources necessary to form and articulate an educated opinion based on critical reading of informational text, personal experience, and sound reasoning. Which fulfills Common Core State Standard Number…(I’ll just look it up)…oh. I see there is no standard listed for that. It only goes as far as understanding what authors are saying, describing how they make their arguments (evidence plus rhetorical techniques), identifying the intended audience, and assessing the effectiveness of the argumentation on said audience. No mention of mining personal or community experiences and applying reasoned judgement of others’ views. Then it jumps to writing one’s own persuasive essay, with effective use of evidence and argumentation. Skipping the important step of actually forming an opinion, a view, a set of beliefs. Well, maybe I will sneak in some old fashioned reasoning, and even the much more radical search your own heart process, helping her get at her uncommon core.

Near the end I found out this student is getting no help with biology, which was apparently considered lower priority. That’s odd, I said—I wonder if they know I’m a biology major. The mom was concerned about her student lacking that class, so I promised to check in with the district about it. Sure would be great to get that going too for her, and would be very efficient for the district too, to have one tutor do all three subjects. English and geometry are allotted four hours a week. Two hours per class, which could imply, by extrapolation, that a student can complete a full load of five courses with only ten hours a week of formal instruction (rather than thirty-seven), plus assignment feedback. So what’s high school for, anyway? The convenience of mass production, job creation for administration and staff, large group peer socialization, practice at subservience, keeping daytime job market competition to a minimum, and creating an accessible, centralized, digitally accessible marketplace for curriculum and resources?

So I drive away to drop off her last geometry assignments to the school teacher for grading, thinking, I get paid to do this? Twice as much as substitute pay, too. And I wonder, how many students would opt for a tax-paid personal tutor if they knew about the program… No, one must fill out the paperwork and get the doctor’s signature–properly so. But at least there are some perks to illness and temporary disability. I’m curious how many other tutoring openings there might be.


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This issue’s featured family is currently unavailable. We apologize for any inconvenience.

Sometimes I feel that a bit more space in our little house is the answer. To that end I truck things off to storage and good will, pare down my possessions, try to convince my spouse and kids to let go of a few more items from the dozens of boxes there, condense, find creative storage solutions. I actually enjoy the sense of movement, of change and renewal, as well as the physical work and creativity of designing and creating solutions for a small space, in contrast to the cultural pressure to upgrade. I want to be content, want to embrace simplicity, want to prove that what we have is enough. Do you know we get three “neighborhood magazines” now—three, all spawned within a year of one another, featuring happy local families in their apparently showpiece houses with their apparently showpiece lifestyles. More than half of the “featured families”—far more than half—are in real estate or financial planning, attested by the same faces showing up on the ads in the later pages. When I posted a comment to the neighborhood website calling the first rag I received “silly” and mentioned the real estate connection, I was reprimanded from various quarters for my lack of community spirit, since after all the publisher actually lived nearby and was doing this project “out of pocket.” The publisher, mildly affronted, said my family could be featured as well, though I shuddered at the thought of what a production that would be. Everyone dressing up, acting just so, posing for a family style fun activity that we all typically do together (pillow fight taken, bike rides too–maybe a family chore day, half watching a football game and half working on laptops, or going to a swim meet?). So I withdrew from attacking that particular veneer with my coarse grade sandpaper. The next three featured families were in other professions–one was even a public school teacher–who could think any advertising revenue could come from that? Then I saw his financial planner spouse featured a few pages on…

Still, there is a real community here. It’s not primarily about social media posts,  nor advertising revenue. And I can’t say I feel I’ve contributed much to it, other than chatting a bit with folks walking their dogs, helping neighbors with recycling day, trying to get some ride sharing going, and an attempt at a women’s tea years ago. And generating some private enjoyment for folks that agree with my “antisocial” views but are too diplomatic to air them publicly.

Back to the house, though, and I’m hoping that the topic has some relevance for others out there: There’s still a mismatch between the space, and the stuff we want to fit in it. We don’t want to let go of our specialty tools and supplies, our books, games, clothes for all seasons, bulk food storage, clippings and photos and artwork eventually to be organized and put on display. I bring up the open discussion of whether we should add on, trade up, rent a little office/project space. I want, I want, I don’t want to want more. But anyway the savings aren’t there yet, college expenses are coming up, our jobs aren’t secure, and the kind of place we want has never shown up in the right area at the right price, especially considering the 6% real estate fee. And after all, half of our kids will be launched to other domains in the next two years. There will be a bedroom for each of the rest then, and we’ll get the garage back for storage and projects. The discipline of waiting, of contentment, of letting go. Embracing what positive changes really are within my sphere of influence.

Maybe it’s help with the housework I need. I know it was a huge relief in the past, changed my demeanor, took such a burden off. At about what I’d earn per hour as a substitute teacher, I see it as a good trade. On cleaning days I’d come home and just bask in the beauty of a clean, orderly home, and a surge of creative energy–the kind that results in a lot of the messes, in fact–would wash over my soul. I’d put on some Bach, start some muffins, take out my sewing stuff and sew away until it was time to feed the kids, or go shopping, or organize the bills.

Now the main reason the house feels too small is that the tube is on in the heart of the house every weekend for at least half of the day. No civil cure for that now, though years of resistance kept it at bay. I can keep my frustration at bay with exercise, productive work, and leaving for chunks of each networks dominated day. Right now I can hear the muffled sounds of the three hour pre-game show over the music pumping our of my ear buds as I write. I was going to go to church, see if I could lure some of the family out since some old homeschool friends’ are the string quartet for the service. The pastor is a football fan, which elevates him in my eyes as a guy willing to forgo for higher goals. Though occasionally a parishioner will share an update from a smart phone. But it’s half time already, I’m still here writing, and my husband is rallying the kids to clean up from breakfast.

As for the positively trite ending that I still am tempted to make, I can only say that there must be more required of me than to form my days out of complaints about my perceived constraints. I know from looking back on my life that I too often live timidly, in reaction rather in proactivity, and deceive myself into believing that I am trapped by the choices of others, that my life would be better if only I either rebelled completely and rejected all efforts to make me compromise (which out of patient tolerance and loyalty I do not do), or convinced those others to adopt all my values and plans (an impossible task). I look for higher values by which to live my life, as a free agent without divine powers, and the courage and confidence to live, in the words of a guy whose books I’m too proud to read, my best life now.

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Posted by on November 30, 2014 in Personal Growth


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How not to be diplomatic

How could I have been so dumb? The staff in the high school in which I have been subbing was really liking my work, appreciating how I knew the content, kept the ball rolling for the teacher on sick leave, related to the students and other teachers. Every day I’d check in with the principal’s secretary (who keeps the sub keys hanging in her office, a nice way to touch base each morning), and she was warm, appreciative, and yesterday let me know I was a safe bet for the regular sub list and a good candidate for future openings.

But today on the way to school I listened to an interview with Betty Krawczyk, who explained why in protesting the advance of the Kinder Morgan pipeline work in Burnaby Mountain, it was unthinkable to apologize for one’s actions just to be released from jail. Fresh from fist pumping and cheering her as I parked in the school lot, I came in to pick up my key from the secretary. And didn’t I just go and mention that I’d listened to an “inspirational” interview, and summarize what it was about, to that nice, conservative secretary, on whom I depend for my reputation thereabouts? And didn’t she look startled and even disappointed? So I added, “Not that I’m like that..,” which was extremely lame, and too late, and even a kind of betrayal of my heroine’s values, which I had acted like I shared.

As I walked down the hall, I regretted more the last comment than anything else, my dissociating myself from the actions of someone I admired. She sets an example to which I aspire, or some form of it–even in the work I hope to do as a public school teacher. And so be it. I think in this town there’s a place for a teacher with environmentalist views. And to think I used to be nervous about being mistaken for a young Earth creationist, so would purposely neglect to certain studies and activities in my resume.



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