Various self doubts

16 Mar

In our staff meetings I listen humbly and try to be a good employee, taking directives, adding to my “to do” list, and making whatever contributions I can, without monopolizing the floor. I am insecure–it’s only my first year, and I wrestle with self doubt often. Why can’t I move through the curriculum faster? Am I grading fairly? Should I really be giving all this homework? Am I doing all I can to customize learning for students with learning challenges and different learning styles? Am I really any good at this at all, or should I shift to a different line of work? How long will it take to tighten up my routines and know my curricula, so I don’t have to keep working sixteen-hour days? Am I showing enough appreciation and deference to the office staff who have been here much longer than I? What is the right amount of passion to show about issues affecting our students and our world?


Posted by on March 16, 2017 in Uncategorized


3 responses to “Various self doubts

  1. jdawgsrunningblog

    March 18, 2017 at 5:43 am

    oh man!!! You are reflective–you forgot to add–are you too good, too smart, too thoughtful for this kind of work–which of course is not possible–you are perfect for it–and we need YOU in this profession—I would say that you are already an INCREDIBLE teacher–the only point that might be worthy of looking at from above is the issue of homework—also, not comfortable with the fact you’re putting in 16 hour days–is that really true?!!!!

  2. toesinthedirt

    March 18, 2017 at 8:56 pm

    Thank you, but no, not too anything, not enough. I do work that long of a day a few days each week–I’m a slow planner, still working on tomorrow’s plan, week’s plans, month, all of the above. Also still do too much taking in work to grade. Working on that… Fortunately nothing keeps me from sleep once I hit the pillow, and I catch up on rest regularly.

    Great to hear from you again by the way. I’m trying to take time to read your blog–sometimes hair-raising, other times achingly lovely. Your daily commitment is amazing. I felt like a hypocrite when I was sharing the “show up” quotes from writers with the students. I have been neglecting the discipline, waiting till I feel I have something to say, rather than getting those words onto the screen/page.

    • jdawgsrunningblog

      March 19, 2017 at 7:44 am

      amazed that you even have the will to fit it all in–truly heroic.


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